Relationship

What do you know about human relationship? Nothing, that's what I know. Everything is so vague and so not-constant. Everything can be change just like that in one split seconds.

I always feel that in our life, friendship and relationship is like a bus trip. There would be people coming on and off this bus. We can say a thousand words about love and about trust. We can say that we would be forever. But in the end, we would break up, or we would have so much disagreement between each other. At last, this cause our relationship to be broken forever just because of one simple mistakes. So easy. But why do everyone still going back for more? Why do people still yearn so much about love?

Well, it must always be that their heart is empty. All of us have an emptiness in our heart. What do we use to fill it up? Like I said before. Japanese people really yearn for love. They yearn for something which money cannot buy. Affection and love from other people.

One friend of mine have being keep reminding me, that I should stop neglecting my own emotions and start facing my emotion. Why am I avoiding? What am I doing? To tell the truth, I myself do not understand.

If I wanted to settle down, What type of gals that I like? Who would be suitable for me? Should I observe more before tell a gal? How long is the friendship period?
Everytime need to crack my head about relationship, i rather stand back and watch it go away. Eventhough it is the hardest thing to do. But I feel I shouldn't say something that would probably hurt myself and hurt the other person.

I am worried that I might give out too much. This would probably choke the other person. I scare I might give too much and become an annoyance, etc.

Sad isn't it? To find out all the doubt in my heart. I sometimes hate myself for thinking so much. For having so much thoughts. To be thoughtful to other people except myself. I also hate myself for being so femine and feel so weak.

At the surface, I tried my best to be a Leo, which is strong and very fierce, and very dependant person. But inside of my heart, I am a very soft, weak and emotional person. Maybe other person never knows. I always cried. But it is all inside my heart. I cried so much. My heart is somehow being "soaked" by my tears. Well, this type of a person which gals would think not reliable isn't it? Haha.. funny isn't it? How can a guy be like this?

After seeing all types of relationship between two person, I started to realize that I could not live my life based on humans' love. I need to find something more solid to based my life upon. Therefore, I found God's love.

Until now, I never regret giving my life unto God. HE always provide me with all the strength I need to walk forward. Now that God's love is with me. To tell the truth, I very rare wanted to depend on people's love. Eventhough, sometimes it is true. We get lonely and need someone to talk to. I am glad that we have friends.

Come to think of it. Eversince young, I never really have much heart-to-heart friends. Until now, maybe I have 3 or 4. And sadly to say, mostly are girls. Why do I have so many girls friends? I myself also need explanation.

Alot of times, my girls friends keep telling me. "You are very suitable to be friends. You are my very good friends." Do you know how many times I wanted to tell them that, I am fed up to have so many good friends. I wanted someone to tell me that I can be more than friends.

This is what I get for being so reasonable all the time. Being so cool all the time. Somehow I DID regret to being cool and reasonable all the time. Giving peoples' advice, guide them to grow in a proper way, a happy way. But I have to sacrifice my own life to make them happy.

Is that a good thing? Or is that a bad thing? I myself also don't know. But at least I can live a happy life without disturbing the peacefulness of other people. No matter how much I like another person, just treat it as nothing. Maybe it would go away. Right?

Anyway, good nite people. Have a great day ahead. God bless.

P.S. Today is sakura start blossoming period. I can felt the scent of sakura flowers blossoming. It makes me so excited and happy.