What do you know about human relationship? Nothing, that's what I know. Everything is so vague and so not-constant. Everything can be change just like that in one split seconds.
I always feel that in our life, friendship and relationship is like a bus trip. There would be people coming on and off this bus. We can say a thousand words about love and about trust. We can say that we would be forever. But in the end, we would break up, or we would have so much disagreement between each other. At last, this cause our relationship to be broken forever just because of one simple mistakes. So easy. But why do everyone still going back for more? Why do people still yearn so much about love?
Well, it must always be that their heart is empty. All of us have an emptiness in our heart. What do we use to fill it up? Like I said before. Japanese people really yearn for love. They yearn for something which money cannot buy. Affection and love from other people.
One friend of mine have being keep reminding me, that I should stop neglecting my own emotions and start facing my emotion. Why am I avoiding? What am I doing? To tell the truth, I myself do not understand.
If I wanted to settle down, What type of gals that I like? Who would be suitable for me? Should I observe more before tell a gal? How long is the friendship period?
Everytime need to crack my head about relationship, i rather stand back and watch it go away. Eventhough it is the hardest thing to do. But I feel I shouldn't say something that would probably hurt myself and hurt the other person.
I am worried that I might give out too much. This would probably choke the other person. I scare I might give too much and become an annoyance, etc.
Sad isn't it? To find out all the doubt in my heart. I sometimes hate myself for thinking so much. For having so much thoughts. To be thoughtful to other people except myself. I also hate myself for being so femine and feel so weak.
At the surface, I tried my best to be a Leo, which is strong and very fierce, and very dependant person. But inside of my heart, I am a very soft, weak and emotional person. Maybe other person never knows. I always cried. But it is all inside my heart. I cried so much. My heart is somehow being "soaked" by my tears. Well, this type of a person which gals would think not reliable isn't it? Haha.. funny isn't it? How can a guy be like this?
After seeing all types of relationship between two person, I started to realize that I could not live my life based on humans' love. I need to find something more solid to based my life upon. Therefore, I found God's love.
Until now, I never regret giving my life unto God. HE always provide me with all the strength I need to walk forward. Now that God's love is with me. To tell the truth, I very rare wanted to depend on people's love. Eventhough, sometimes it is true. We get lonely and need someone to talk to. I am glad that we have friends.
Come to think of it. Eversince young, I never really have much heart-to-heart friends. Until now, maybe I have 3 or 4. And sadly to say, mostly are girls. Why do I have so many girls friends? I myself also need explanation.
Alot of times, my girls friends keep telling me. "You are very suitable to be friends. You are my very good friends." Do you know how many times I wanted to tell them that, I am fed up to have so many good friends. I wanted someone to tell me that I can be more than friends.
This is what I get for being so reasonable all the time. Being so cool all the time. Somehow I DID regret to being cool and reasonable all the time. Giving peoples' advice, guide them to grow in a proper way, a happy way. But I have to sacrifice my own life to make them happy.
Is that a good thing? Or is that a bad thing? I myself also don't know. But at least I can live a happy life without disturbing the peacefulness of other people. No matter how much I like another person, just treat it as nothing. Maybe it would go away. Right?
Anyway, good nite people. Have a great day ahead. God bless.
P.S. Today is sakura start blossoming period. I can felt the scent of sakura flowers blossoming. It makes me so excited and happy.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Love (愛)
"Other country are lack of food, and physical resources. But Japan is a country, which is lack of love."
I love this phrase given by Jesus Life House's pastor today. That's right. Ever since I step into Japan. I can hear peoples' cry for love here. They are crying out for attention and peoples' care for them.
Here in Japan, it is a very advanced country. Everyone is living comfortably for their lives. When every physical need is being covered, people would yearn for something higher, LOVE. Strange isn't it. Those poor country people, would love each other and would appreciate with what they have. Yet, on the other hand, those rich country people, like Japan, they yearn for something which could never be able to be bought by money, which is love.
Everyday in Japan, I felt so burdened. Especially when I walk down on the street, seeing people talking to each other, all I felt is emptiness in their conversation and emptiness in their heart and faces. I wanted so much to tell them about God. Tell them about how great to believe in the one and only God.
I realized that Easter day, today not only about Jesus died for us and rose again. I felt that Easter day is also another event, which is important for us to renew our spirit to walk on the path of life.
God is amazing. I always believe that if we follow HIS plan, HE would provide us with everything that we need according to HIS will and HIS time. I always know the Holy Spirit have being guiding me to find the right church, the right people, the right job and the right university.
Well, ever since I felt that I being "planted" in Japan. Everything I need would be supplied to me. I felt peace in me. God is always with us and would help us walk thru the storm no matter what.
Lastly, let me tell you all about a song I found.
The youtube site for this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kESLwpNZ_4
"This road that I'm taking twists and turns.
My Life, My Chance turning dreams into reality.
Down on this path, faced with so many things.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away.
Can't seem to go on. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where go I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've brought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near.
I'll move on. I'll go on. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
Here I am. Once again. Caught in the rain.
Looking back . I've come this far. And I want to carry on.
Take a step at a time. It's allright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again.
Don't hold back now. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand?
A little lost here. But I'll remember.
All those times you've brought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shinning down on me.
Here I am. Here I am. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on. "
Sang by Olivia Ong.
Title: I'll Move On
This song here. Tells exactly of my feeling. Everyday no matter where we are. No matter what problem we faced. Just seek God and remember all the good times HE had provide for us. We should have faith in God. Be thankful for each day and be strong everyday in the path that we are walking. One day, we will reach our goal and achieve our vision for God.
God bless people who read this blog. Have a great Easter day. And always be happy.
皆さんは頑張ね。毎日は神さまに頼むね。お元気で。
I love this phrase given by Jesus Life House's pastor today. That's right. Ever since I step into Japan. I can hear peoples' cry for love here. They are crying out for attention and peoples' care for them.
Here in Japan, it is a very advanced country. Everyone is living comfortably for their lives. When every physical need is being covered, people would yearn for something higher, LOVE. Strange isn't it. Those poor country people, would love each other and would appreciate with what they have. Yet, on the other hand, those rich country people, like Japan, they yearn for something which could never be able to be bought by money, which is love.
Everyday in Japan, I felt so burdened. Especially when I walk down on the street, seeing people talking to each other, all I felt is emptiness in their conversation and emptiness in their heart and faces. I wanted so much to tell them about God. Tell them about how great to believe in the one and only God.
I realized that Easter day, today not only about Jesus died for us and rose again. I felt that Easter day is also another event, which is important for us to renew our spirit to walk on the path of life.
God is amazing. I always believe that if we follow HIS plan, HE would provide us with everything that we need according to HIS will and HIS time. I always know the Holy Spirit have being guiding me to find the right church, the right people, the right job and the right university.
Well, ever since I felt that I being "planted" in Japan. Everything I need would be supplied to me. I felt peace in me. God is always with us and would help us walk thru the storm no matter what.
Lastly, let me tell you all about a song I found.
The youtube site for this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kESLwpNZ_4
"This road that I'm taking twists and turns.
My Life, My Chance turning dreams into reality.
Down on this path, faced with so many things.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away.
Can't seem to go on. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where go I stand? A little lost here.
But I'll remember. All those times you've brought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near.
I'll move on. I'll go on. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on.
Here I am. Once again. Caught in the rain.
Looking back . I've come this far. And I want to carry on.
Take a step at a time. It's allright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again.
Don't hold back now. And I've been thru' this before.
Now where am I? Where do I stand?
A little lost here. But I'll remember.
All those times you've brought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shinning down on me.
Here I am. Here I am. Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along. Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may. I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on. "
Sang by Olivia Ong.
Title: I'll Move On
This song here. Tells exactly of my feeling. Everyday no matter where we are. No matter what problem we faced. Just seek God and remember all the good times HE had provide for us. We should have faith in God. Be thankful for each day and be strong everyday in the path that we are walking. One day, we will reach our goal and achieve our vision for God.
God bless people who read this blog. Have a great Easter day. And always be happy.
皆さんは頑張ね。毎日は神さまに頼むね。お元気で。
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Boredness in my room
Have any of you know the meaning of boredome? Try to stuck inside a room for a day. Without talking to anyone for a day and only face the textbooks for study purpose. THAT my friend, it is call ultimate craziness.
For the whole day, I just study my japanese language while watching the rain falls outside the window. It is not a pretty sight plus, it increases the blues in my feeling.
Stuck one day in my room, helps me realized how Japanese feels about their house. Sometimes when I go out with Japanese friends here, I heard something about they doesn't like to stay in their room. They rather spend their time outside with colleagues or friends in bar drinking or go to do some gambling, Pachinko and stuff. Well, it is neither related to money saving or like to stay outside. It is about facing the four wall all the time when reach back home.
Have you felt helplessness and loneliness before? The feeling of loneliness and helplessness starts creeping into you when you are all alone in a room, or facing the four walls without anyone to talk to you and help you solve your boredness.
Staying in Japan really is a challenge for me. No matter when I am outside or inside the room. There is always new things to learn. Now I learn that I must face my own feeling myself. Learned that life is not always noisy and fun. Most of the time is about ourselves. Everyone sometimes have to face the war between our inner self and outer self.
Luckily I have God to be friends with me. No matter how long time past, Friends would leave me. Family would leave me. But God would always be at my side. Helping me to grow and give me encouragements. Felt that I am so lucky to be alive and always have God stay in my heart.
These days, when stay in Japan, such a lonely country. Makes me realized that I need friends more. Not onlt it helps me appreciate my friends more. It also helps me to appreciate my family even more.
The longer I stay in Japan, I realized that Japan itself is a developing country. It is the people. These people, they like to learn. They like to see new ideas and experience new things. Therefore, this country keeps growing. Regardless of their non-generous attitude, this country really unique compare to others. People keep on learning, and they keep on growing in mentally and physically.
Overall, I am impressed with the people here. But one thing I have regrets over this country. It lacks of religion concept. It is true that the bible said. The more advance one country become, the worst their religion concept become. Maybe because the busy factor and the independent factor. Makes everyone feels that they must depend on themselves in order to survive in one world.
Anw, thats all I have to say. Japan is a great country. Hope whoever have the heart to come to Japan, be prepare for one BIG culture shock. And this country really needs gospel. Whoever have the heart to spread gospel in Japan, please come. It would be great to see salvation in Japan.
God bless.
For the whole day, I just study my japanese language while watching the rain falls outside the window. It is not a pretty sight plus, it increases the blues in my feeling.
Stuck one day in my room, helps me realized how Japanese feels about their house. Sometimes when I go out with Japanese friends here, I heard something about they doesn't like to stay in their room. They rather spend their time outside with colleagues or friends in bar drinking or go to do some gambling, Pachinko and stuff. Well, it is neither related to money saving or like to stay outside. It is about facing the four wall all the time when reach back home.
Have you felt helplessness and loneliness before? The feeling of loneliness and helplessness starts creeping into you when you are all alone in a room, or facing the four walls without anyone to talk to you and help you solve your boredness.
Staying in Japan really is a challenge for me. No matter when I am outside or inside the room. There is always new things to learn. Now I learn that I must face my own feeling myself. Learned that life is not always noisy and fun. Most of the time is about ourselves. Everyone sometimes have to face the war between our inner self and outer self.
Luckily I have God to be friends with me. No matter how long time past, Friends would leave me. Family would leave me. But God would always be at my side. Helping me to grow and give me encouragements. Felt that I am so lucky to be alive and always have God stay in my heart.
These days, when stay in Japan, such a lonely country. Makes me realized that I need friends more. Not onlt it helps me appreciate my friends more. It also helps me to appreciate my family even more.
The longer I stay in Japan, I realized that Japan itself is a developing country. It is the people. These people, they like to learn. They like to see new ideas and experience new things. Therefore, this country keeps growing. Regardless of their non-generous attitude, this country really unique compare to others. People keep on learning, and they keep on growing in mentally and physically.
Overall, I am impressed with the people here. But one thing I have regrets over this country. It lacks of religion concept. It is true that the bible said. The more advance one country become, the worst their religion concept become. Maybe because the busy factor and the independent factor. Makes everyone feels that they must depend on themselves in order to survive in one world.
Anw, thats all I have to say. Japan is a great country. Hope whoever have the heart to come to Japan, be prepare for one BIG culture shock. And this country really needs gospel. Whoever have the heart to spread gospel in Japan, please come. It would be great to see salvation in Japan.
God bless.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Life Taken for Granted
My life have always being taken for granted. I never realized how much I had until I felt like loosing it.
This trip back to Malaysia for me is a huge impact in my life. This is a turning point for me. I felt that this trip makes me realized how much family and friends mean for me. It makes me realized that I have lost so much time in the period that I took for granted.
B4 this, I lived in Australia for 5 years. Never felt that I would miss my family. Not even a bit ( Sad to mention but true ). Maybe because I always went back home each year. Now, I have to earn my own living here. All by myself. Without my parents help. It is more like I am starting my own life. So would not be going home so frequent compare to last time. Somehow it makes me sad thinking of it.
Suddenly my life being so sentimental. So emotional.
Living alone in a foreign country all by ourselves can be very tiring. Everything have to be done all by ourselves. Washing clothes, cooking, Repair things, etc, we have to be independent. Feels awkward for me, because all the while parents have my back and keep giving me support and help me go forward. It is awkward that from now on, I have to support my own back and pick myself up.
Life for me is too comfortable all these while. I agree that I had being a kid all these time and maybe caused alot of problem for my family as well. Now I guess I need to grow up and start my own chapter of my life.
Well, thats all from me now. Hope I can find my own path from now on. So that I can prove to everyone that I can live without my parents support and give my parents the re-assurance as well.
Lastly, wanted to say God is always my best friend. Without HIM in my life, I would not be who I am now and end up in where I am now. (^_^)
This trip back to Malaysia for me is a huge impact in my life. This is a turning point for me. I felt that this trip makes me realized how much family and friends mean for me. It makes me realized that I have lost so much time in the period that I took for granted.
B4 this, I lived in Australia for 5 years. Never felt that I would miss my family. Not even a bit ( Sad to mention but true ). Maybe because I always went back home each year. Now, I have to earn my own living here. All by myself. Without my parents help. It is more like I am starting my own life. So would not be going home so frequent compare to last time. Somehow it makes me sad thinking of it.
Suddenly my life being so sentimental. So emotional.
Living alone in a foreign country all by ourselves can be very tiring. Everything have to be done all by ourselves. Washing clothes, cooking, Repair things, etc, we have to be independent. Feels awkward for me, because all the while parents have my back and keep giving me support and help me go forward. It is awkward that from now on, I have to support my own back and pick myself up.
Life for me is too comfortable all these while. I agree that I had being a kid all these time and maybe caused alot of problem for my family as well. Now I guess I need to grow up and start my own chapter of my life.
Well, thats all from me now. Hope I can find my own path from now on. So that I can prove to everyone that I can live without my parents support and give my parents the re-assurance as well.
Lastly, wanted to say God is always my best friend. Without HIM in my life, I would not be who I am now and end up in where I am now. (^_^)
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