What happened when you brought emotions into your life?

I never experience life like this before. Ever since I am a child, I like to do things systematically. Do not want any feelings or emotions into my tasks or jobs. Feel like it would mess up everything or actually slow down the progress. And in fact, it does.

Since last year, (2008) I ask God for more love in my life. I ask for emotions. And now, whatever I do, I felt the dissapointment, the excitement, the hatred, the likeness. And everything I do, I have to think about other people, about how they feel.

Maybe is all these emotions, the worst emotions I had is loneliness.

These days, I had so much loneliness, I felt my life is going to stop. Every time feels like giving up to those tasks that I am doing. Hate myself for that. For being so weak. For being grumbling all the time. Eventhough my friends keep telling me to be strong, hold myself up and start walking again.

But how can I with all the burden at my back. Trying to throw away but to tell the truth, no one in my life that I can share my burden with. Coz I never share with people before. Always just show them my strong side, my good side. I imagined no one knows my bad side, my weak side, coz I never tell. But even if they know. Is because they found out themselves.

Like now. I hate my condition now. Imagine me eating just rice and abit of vegetables as dish. No money, not many friends that I could put my trust in, no girlfriend, no house, no proper job, nobody that could encourage me to push me up and go forward.

Well, maybe is me. But in this world, is it that we should ask for help then help could come? Why no one could hear the cry inside my heart? I am tired. Want to stop.

For so long, God wanted to change me. I wanted to change. But I realized, the more I want to change, the more difficulties I realized and have to face. Wanted to go on but too tired. What to do now?

I see some people just go forward without think. It is great this way. But what happened if they stop for rest. Would they end up like what I am doing now? Hate myself for being such a weak person.

Well, all I could say is hope I can get to stand up and walk forward full of confidence again. Once again to be happy, really happy from the heart and walk for God.

Guess we can't push our way thru fate.

I guess this is what it feels like dissapointment. Try so hard to change the fate that had given to you.

I always wonder whether we could defy something that God created.. Not that I am bad but just hope that sometimes we can have our own way. But in the end, I knew the result is no.

Starting from this year, I realized I have so much to do here. No matter what dissapointment I am facing, but I still realized life have to go on. The tasks that God given to me have to go on. I cannot stop. So I would stop giving myself excuse and stay there. I want to live more outward for God and for my own sake.

Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with one of my friend. Is about me growing up. To tell the truth, haven't I? Maybe some people see me as naive. But I guess depends on how people look at me. For myself, it is a way to prevent the world reality to hit me at my heart and prevents me from walking forward.

People have to find their way to walk forward, and unfortunately, most people tend to keep secrets in their heart and try to walk forward. But the truth maybe is they are neither going forward nor backward. Just standing there and try to figure out how to change the current situation.

Maybe thats why people cannot accept christ. Because they do not want to be expose. They do not want to be identify as a failure and being not able to do something, especially man. Well, for myself. I am trying to live forward. Realizing my own mistakes and try to change as much as I can. I hate people tell out my mistakes, but I hate even more if I have more self pity on myself and stuck on the past.

Wonder how does you guys feel about your life and do you know whether you are living forward or backward or stagnant? If anyone have any problems, can always share with me. I am always there to listen and pray for you.

God bless everyone. (^_^)

New year new resolution

Happy Chinese New Year people.

God is amazing in my life. Never thought I would have such a great day and great resolution.

Everytime I thought God could just bring me to any place. I do not need to plan and just follow. Guess I was half right only. I have the choice to determine what I need to do and how to do it. God is always there to protect and guide me if anything went wrong.

So, start from today I would start to plan my life and give it to God for blessing.
Everything has to be done by ourselves.. Then only God's blessing is so effective.

It is the same for my church activities. I know it would be the same for my relationship. God would bless me in this. I knew HE would. HE is my man~~

Take care people. Have a great new year. Spend it with family, with friends and with your loved ones. JUST don't spend it alone.

God bless.

Happy New Year to myself

This year, God has being a great blessing to me. By bringing me to Japan already a great blessing.

Let me tell you guys one thing. Everyday I woke up in my bed, thinking that I am in Japan, already makes me very happy. Eventhough with all the hard work, injuries that I suffered, loneliness that I have to go thru, BUT I am just glad I could be here.

One reason is that I could enjoy living in the most livable and enjoyable city in the world. Secondly, I could be here spreading gospel and do God's work. God really is amazing. HE always put us at places where we are the weakest and would guide us through it so that we can grow.

This year, God had teached me alot about relying on HIM. Not an easy task, but i manage to do it. This year, I have one resolution to follow closely to God. Let God guide me to find more happiness through HIM.

This year, I also understand what is friendship. Why in the world people needs friends. I now understand that we all would be helpless sometimes, relying on ourselves would not make our life better. That's what friends is for. Is for encourage us, to give us strength to go on, to bring us up when we are down.

You know, God also teaching me one thing this year. Is about loving people. I hate talking to people. Make people feel good eventhough just a small success. I do not like to encourage that way because always feel so fake. But a few weeks ago, one of my church friend told me.

I could do better. I could encourage people and make people happy. I could change and can have many more friends.

I keep wondering whether I could. I know that until now, my words had hurt alot of people. And I feel if they do not like me, can no need to have such friends. BUT suddenly I felt that I should encourage people more, talk to people more, be more friendly. It is to make more friends and could show more love to people.

Ever since I am young, as I had told before, I want to show love to people. But never get the right way. And I guess my way is wrong. Now I want to change. I want to love, and be love back. Just hope I am not too late.

Guess love is a risk. In our life, we all are taking risks. Doing business is a risk, love a person is a risk. So why not try to do it more boldly. Don't scare to be hurt. Don't scare to fall down. Just do, Don't Think.

I always believe, if we have GOD in our heart and in our life, we could lead a life that could be a blessing not only to other people, but also help ourselves to be a great person and the most importantly, we could fulfill our heart's most inner desire. I felt that living in this world, without knowing what is our heart's most inner desire and fulfill that, living is like no meaning.

Anyway, that's just me. Take care people. I pray that everyone is having a great year as I do as well. God bless.

やっと新年明けました。

久しぶりですね、ブロックを書くということ。

今年は私にとって、面白いの年だ。　どこでも、いつでも、神様が私の共にいるから。実は、私は幸せの人だ。毎日日本に居る限り、幸せということだ。

私達はいつか死ぬか分からないけど、生きている時がやりたいことを一生懸命にやるということは幸せだ。私はそう思うけど。皆はどう思う？

じつは、今私このブロックを書くの時、感謝の気持ちを持っている。今まで、私は日本に来るのは考えもない。だけど、神様は私にいっぱいの祝福があげてくれるから、私は今ここにブロックを書ける。

今年はたくさん学んでいるだ。人生のこと、人間関係のこと、考え方は全部神様が変わった。今年、私の念願は神様と共にもっと近くに歩いてほしいということ。

最後私は知りたいことがあるだけど、もし、皆できるかぎり、答えてください。
私達は人生の中に一番ほしいのものは何ですか？　どうして今までそういうがんばりますか？

私は多分皆に証拠をあげてほしい。神様が私の人生に居るから。幸せができる、未来がある　と希望もある。　（＾_＾）

皆元気に生きているね。頑張ってください。人生はいろいろなことを私達が学べるから。

God's Perfect Plan

Finally, I am ready to write another blog.



It has being awhile since I touched this blog. Before I start, just want to announce that I have being agreed to study master degree in one of the university in Japan, Aoyama University.



Thank the Lord for answering my prayer. With my own effort, I could never achieve anything. That's why I always keep praying for everything in my life. Starting from now, I would stop doubting God and would keep having faith to do something big in my life.



Ever since I come to Japan, my life have not being dull. It keeps getting more and more exciting. I felt t that

Dating Delilah

The longer I stay in Japan, the more I could understand more about life, about myself and about relationships.

God is a GREAT. HE put me here for reasons. Eventhough I do not know what, but I started to realized who I really are, and what I am being called to Japan for.

These days, I realized the importance of being patience. Being patience to wait upon God's gift for me. God had put something that being keep stirring up in my heart since I came here last October. HE put marriage in my mind. To tell the truth, that is the last thing I would want to do in my life, BUT HE put marriage in my heart and give me the urge to search for my soul mate, which HE already decided for me.

So, what I should do? Pray to God? You bet, but that doesn't stop there. I have done my own searching and have my own preference of girls, and thought God could bless those relationship. But in the end, all end up in dissapointment. Not even one could fit the image of what God is going to give to me.

Just a coincidence ( Maybe ), my church friend gave me a book called Dating Delilah. It is a very powerful book by Pastor Judah Smith. It gives me all I should know about purity and about how to find the girl that God arrange for you.

One part I am very fascinated about is the eight boundaries that we should follow in order to find the right girl to walk with us in our journey for God.

First is No sex before marriage. As it is written, we should not have sex with anyone before marriage, means before we find the right one. The reason is that sex is about both person would have spiritual connection when having sex. If it is not the right person, wouldn't that be a waste? We should give our whole to the one and only person who are destined for our life.

Second is No dating unbelievers. This may sound very cruel. All it is saying is that we as christian that following God, should find another person who could walk the same path to focus on God rather than someone who is not compatible and only focus on worldly things.

Third is Homesexual is a sin. This is funny. But it is true. We should not compromise with the fact that homosexual IS a sin. How can man love a man and vice versa. God created us male and female, so that we could enjoy each other's company.

Fourth is No sexual touching. This is an interesting fact. Before marriage, we shouldn't have touching of anywhere near body parts that could arouse sexual feeling or so. It is just the same as we commit adultery because we are thinking of it as well.

Fifth is Treat one another as Brother and Sister. I love this boundary. It started to gets me back in track in my life to search for my soul mate. Incredible isn't it. When we start to look for soul mate, we would start to look around to find the right person in our life. And every girl become our target, and then we begin to eliminate each one of them as time goes. Well, this is not the way. God tells us that we should treat one another as brother and sister in christ. Because marriage starts with friendships and communication. So start being friends with people. Start talking to people. STOP treating everyone as potential soul mate and try to chase to see whether could success or not.

Six is interesting. It wrote as wear appropriate clothes. Hmm, it is an interesting fact that these days fashion is important in our life. But what this boundary meant is that, where do you want people to look at you when they first see you. For guys maybe not that important but it is important for girls to becareful of their clothing and their intention of their clothing.

Seven is No lustful looks. Our eyes are full of light and pure. So why use it to watch pornography or see pornography magazines? Another thing is that we should not look at girls with lustful eyes. It is also one way to commit adultery. So becareful what you do with the eyes. Thinking lust also a way to sin.

Last but not least Avoid immoral friends. At first, I thought this is abit radical. But as I read it, I realized the meaning of this boundary. As christian, it is all right for us to be friends with non-christian because they do not know what is right or wrong. We could help them and teach them. But immoral friends are refer to those christians, that still compromise with sexual things and those sin issues.

Therefore, as long as we live according to these 8 boundaries, we could find the right person that belong to us. God always create a pair when HE created us. See the birds in the skies. God always give them a pair so why couldn't HE provide us with soul mate if we are MORE PRECIOUS than those animals.

So, Do it the right way and we would find the person that truly belong to us.

God bless everyone. Have a great week ahead.